That's a good point about privacy and likely the reason many funeral directors feel that it is not their right to share these records. The cemeteries-at least the ones I have contacted, the Roman Catholic diocesan ones, seem very willing to share information about who is in the grave. Some charge a fee; some do not. So the path is the tedious-- find out where a person was buried via death records or death noticees in the newspapers. Visit or contact the cemetery to find out who is in the grave. Visit after burial hours when they are less busy. Of course all this is much easier if you are in the same city. Otherwise it's tougher.