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Frustrated with private trees WHO ARE DNA TESTED

Frustrated with private trees WHO ARE DNA TESTED

Posted: 17 Aug 2013 12:23PM GMT
Classification: Query
Edited: 17 Aug 2013 2:51PM GMT
** Added the part in caps to show that I originally put this thread in autosomal DNA which is where I wish it stayed. I could care less about private trees if there is no DNA testing. It's just if you know you're going to end up on someone's list as a potential relative, there should be some way for each side to vet the match without having to grovel to the owner of the private tree.

I'm betting this issue has been addressed before but a cursory search didn't show what I was looking for. I've got more than 4500 matches, too many to manage, and I'm becoming increasingly irritated with all the private trees as I try to wade through all my matches. I'm thinking of deleting all those with private trees and wondered if they'll still be able to see me? If so, I'd like an option of removing the link completely since it burns me to think that they can get all they need from my tree but not reciprocate.

Also, why so many without trees? I'm not deleting them in hopes they just haven't started building their tree yet. Could they have just wanted the Ancestry results?

Re: Frustrated with private trees

Posted: 17 Aug 2013 12:33PM GMT
Classification: Query

Re: Frustrated with private trees

Posted: 17 Aug 2013 12:54PM GMT
Classification: Query
Yes, private trees are an old sore spot for many of us. ;)

Note that some people don't have trees because they are adopted. (Not all of the people without trees, of course, but some, and maybe even a significant number. I have so many adopted matches at the other testing companies that I wouldn't be surprised if I have 100s of adoptees among my matches here.)

At the other extreme, some people are just cray-cray. A close cousin of my father's not only made his tree private but disconnected it from his DNA results... and he's someone who's savvy enough to be on GEDmatch.com. WTH, as they say. I'm just grateful that I got to see the tree before this happened.

By the way, when you delete the private or no-tree matches, they don't really go away. You can un-delete them at any time. I used to periodically visit my deleted matches in their holding cell (tiny link at the bottom of each page of matches) to see if any were now public (happens fairly often), but Ancestry's search engine doesn't seem to include deleted matches, so I've been restoring them.

Be sure to use the feedback button to let Ancestry know that sharing with non-sharers bothers you. People have put forth all kinds of possible solutions for making both sides happy, so it's really something we need to pester Ancestry about. (Considering that we can see names of people in private trees in the regular site search, surely the DNA search and/or match list could be loosened up a little.)

Re: Frustrated with private trees

Posted: 17 Aug 2013 2:21PM GMT
Classification: Query
Please try to politely email your Moderate Plus matches with Private Trees. Many are very happy to share with you and all have different reasons for keeping their trees private. Don't assume that these are all selfish people who won't share.

I'd strongly recommend that you don't trash these matches without sending an email first. You could be passing up great opportunities to learn about family lines. I am now a guest on at least 100 Private trees.

Re: Frustrated with private trees AND DNA MATCHES

Posted: 17 Aug 2013 2:33PM GMT
Classification: Query
Another DNA thread teleported.

Re: Frustrated with private trees AND DNA MATCHES

Posted: 17 Aug 2013 2:46PM GMT
Classification: Query
Teleported =)

I received a message that there was a reply but couldn't find the thread where I put it. I wanted it to stay in DNA because I could care less if someone wants to keep their trees private if they are not DNA tested. But once you DNA test, it just seems mean-spirited to know you'll end up on someone's list with absolutely no way for them to evaluate it. But they can still evaluate me. Hummmmm.....

Bottom Line (was Re: Frustrated with private trees WHO ARE DNA TESTED)

Posted: 17 Aug 2013 4:56PM GMT
Classification: Query
Everyone gets to decide if and how they want their trees and/or DNA results handled without regard for how anyone else feels they should be handled-period.

Deal with it!

Re: Frustrated with private trees AND DNA MATCHES

Posted: 17 Aug 2013 5:51PM GMT
Classification: Query
Well, my tree is private and though I haven't DNA tested yet, I do plan to soon (I'm asking for a kit for Christmas). I have no plans to make my tree public when I get my results. The reason is that I know there are question marks and errors in my tree (which I am always working on) that I don't wish people to unknowingly duplicate so I only allow access after I've had a chance to explain any applicable grey areas to the person I'm giving access to. I have never denied anyone access when they've asked - I always encourage communication and collaboration with other researchers rather than grabbing things from trees without even talking to one another.

It is certainly not because I am a big meanie who wants to horde my information and not share it with anyone and I resent the implication and assumption that this is the attitude of anyone with a private tree. What is the problem with sending them a friendly message? There is no need to "grovel" - just say "Hey, I think we have a match in our trees and I was wondering if you're interested in collaborating?" Is communicating with other researchers really too much to ask?

Re: Bottom Line (was Re: Frustrated with private trees WHO ARE DNA TESTED)

Posted: 17 Aug 2013 5:54PM GMT
Classification: Query
"Everyone gets to decide if and how they want their trees and/or DNA results handled without regard for how anyone else feels they should be handled-period."

Actually, I can't decide how I want my tree and DNA results handled. I'd like to delete any contact with those who DNA test with private trees, so they will never even know I exist as a DNA match. It's only fair, since they're not even really participating. But I can't. And if I go tit-for-tat and make myself private, I lose all the potential good people who understand that DNA matching only works if 2 sides actually participate.

It's a no-win situation for me and I think I'll "deal" with it by warning other's who might be interested in purchasing the test what they will face.

Re: Frustrated with private trees AND DNA MATCHES

Posted: 17 Aug 2013 8:08PM GMT
Classification: Query
Edited: 17 Aug 2013 8:09PM GMT
If errors in a tree was grounds for keeping a tree private then most trees should be private. At least any tree that goes back more than a few generations. It's through sharing and comparing that many of these errors come to light. I recently compared myself to a DNA match in which we had the same individual in our trees and looking at her tree, I realized the marriage data differed. She had the first child born which I did not, and the marriage date in my tree was several years after the first child was born! I researched the discrepancy and found the official register which showed her date was correct.

Nevertheless, this appears to be an unwinnable argument. All I know is I have 4500+ matches, and a pretty sizable number are private or no tree. Sending a message to each and every one is not practical. The only decision I have is to remain public or go private so I get to be the one who holds the cards. Heaven knows I got some errors...!

What if everyone was private?
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