I think its a matter of time and not giving up. I have close matches that I have no idea how we are related but it could be my paternal line that connects us. Its got nothing to do with male female its just a matter of time.
Genealogy is a bit of a waiting game. My closest Y match someone who had a different surname than I had no known connection so I waited and a peace of information came along telling some information that made it possible to add two generation to their line.
I figured out how I was connected to the line by stepping back and looking things over and thinking about what i have not looked at or done yet. Civil War records showed a connection between the two families and more research finds the brother of my closest matches earliest known father living in the same county as my GGF. WOHOO! so I added three generation to my line.