SS website clearly says the dead have no privacy rights; you are entitled to the info. If you provide SS with documentation that he's passed, that should be sufficient to obtain info you seek.

Some folks are not listed in SSDI because either there was an unintentional omission but more likely no one reported death to SS. As with all other sources of information, you must consider the "human" factor: there's lots of errors all over the place [typing errors, transcription errors, spelling, etc.]

Even without knowing exactly where Stanley was when he passed, there's probably an obit in the city/town where his wife was/is a resident when passing occured. There's no guarantee that the exact place of death is where you'd find the obit. For example, could have died at an out-of-state Veteran's Hosp.

http://ssa-custhelp.ssa.gov/cgi-bin/ssa.cfg/php/enduser/std_...

FYI - if wife was/is receiving Stanley's SS benefits, his name should be in SSDI as she would have had to file the paperwork to get his SS. Likewise if wife filed for SS Death [burial] benefit.